Leave People Better Than You Found Them (L.P.B.T.Y.F.T.) – This is a philosophy, or maybe even a creed, that has developed inside me over the years that I thought I’d share with you.  It has brought me peace in times of struggle and has helped me with the difficult decisions of how to react in times of conflict and misunderstanding in my relationships – friends, family, or otherwise.  They say that people enter your life for “a reason, a season, or a lifetime,” but by striving to leave people better then we found them, everyone can enter our lives for one very specific reason – to be positively changed.

If a love affair isn’t going to last, if a friendship is going to end, or if someone leaves this earth tomorrow, I want them to be able to say that they were “left better than I found them” – that for dating me or knowing me they are more loved, more cherished, more educated, more inspired, and more, well… better.  I am sure that not everyone who has ever loved me or known me can say that, but I have really tried to follow this path in all my relationships.

I’m guessing my first wife doubted that she was better off for knowing me – back then I wasn’t very skilled at loving people – but I guarantee that some of the reasons why her 2nd marriage has been so successful was because of lessons that she learned by loving me.  In a lot of ways I know I prepared her for something better.

My 2nd wife was heart-broken and financially upended when I met her in Las Vegas.  When we finally parted, she was a wealthy escrow-officer for one of the fastest growing title companies in Utah and Colorado.  She had been loved, as hard as I could love, for 4 ½ years.  In spite of the painful ending, I wouldn’t change a thing about marrying her.  I would do it all again knowing how it ended, and I know she’d tell you that she was better off for loving me.

Leaving people better than you’ve found them can be tricky.  It means that you have to gain some thick skin and attempt to be unselfish and altruistic.  It is an idea that is easier said than done.  When someone attempts to hurt you in a relationship, you could retaliate, humiliate, or hurt them back, but what would be the point?  Revenge?  Being able to take pain, without returning pain is difficult, but it is a part of leaving people better.  It’s not always easy.

When one girlfriend I was ending things with started sending me mean text messages telling me how much she was mad at me and how I was an “asshole.”  I didn’t take it personally – I simply apologized.  She was mad and was trying to bait me into a fight.  What would fighting with her accomplish?  How would it leave her better?  Would it simply fill my pride – would I teach her a lesson?  Hopefully she and all of the others will look back on their time with me and feel like it had some meaning, that there were lessons learned that made them better people, better lovers, better communicators, and better friends.