As a touring musician who endured near claustrophobic circumstances in an oft-crowded tour bus with other smelly musicians, you would likely think that I learned nothing about being a good dad during those years. And generally, though much of the experience wasn’t “kid friendly,” I have realized in preparing for my new baby that there were a number of lessons that I did learn which could benefit any father, rockstar or otherwise.
Lesson 1: People are more important than things
What’s the difference between a drunk bass player and a toddler? Besides 20 years, nothing. Having a bunch of rock musicians crammed into a very expensive tour bus, a vehicle that I was on the hook for, was one way of guaranteeing that something would invariably get damaged. Small plastic things would break on the interior of the tour bus without much effort and we even had the misfortune of causing thousands of dollars of damage to the back end (see photo) on the windy steep streets of Laurel Canyon in Hollywood. At the end of the day, the relationships I still have with the guys I was blessed to play with during those years are way more valuable than some stupid bus. Subsequently, the love you have for your kids is a lot greater than any DVD player or coffee table book. I will do my best to remember this lesson the first time my kid puts a pop tart in my X-Box. My son is a lot more important than the things I have. Things can be replaced, but I only get one shot at helping him develop into a happy and healthy adult.
Lesson 2: Memories are all that you get to take with you
Now that my touring schedule has pretty much dwindled to nothing, one thing that I will always have are the amazing memories of the shows, the fun, the fans, and the friends I made. I still chuckle at the amazing show at Starry Plough in Berkeley California where my improv song “Dangerzone, Pleasure Throne (or something like that)” resulted in the packed house giving me a standing ovation, or how about the national parade in Washington DC where I was able to perform for nearly half a million people with Ben Franklin. Memories are really all that you get to keep, so when it comes to my son, I want to make a ton of them. More importantly, the trick (and I’m not saying I have this completely figured out) is to savor the moments and recognize when you’re in the middle of something you will never want to forget. It is never too late to embrace and capture the moments with your kids that will be important to you for rest of your life. Oh, and make sure you take lots of photos. It never hurts to have those little triggers to remind you of the good times.
Lesson 3: Budget wisely
Keeping an expensive tour bus on the road for several years was not an easy task. In fact, I made some huge financial mistakes early on which created some major challenges for us in keeping the tour alive. Mistakes in booking, not budgeting for unforeseen problems, poor high-risk investments, and not planning well were just some of the issues. I remember one segment of shows in San Francisco where the tour bus transmission blew (at only 11,000 miles). The transmission was just barely 2 or 3 months passed being “under warranty,” which meant that the fix was going to have to come out of my pocket. That incident cost me over $4000 and, in total that year, the tour bus cost over $19,000 in maintenance to keep on the road. Subsequently, kids are obviously an expensive blessing and if you want to keep them happy and healthy, it’s important to start budgeting and saving. I’m already putting together a plan in place, with baby’s momma, to ensure that our baby has health coverage, a college fund, and other “rainy day” savings. I’m working aggressively to pay off a couple debts and hope to have them taken care of completely before the birth. Setting financial goals and putting money away, just in case your kid needs braces or some other unforeseen cost, are a must for any unprepared father who is working on being prepared.
Hopefully these tips can help you to be a rockstar father too.
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Check out the Fetal Photo of my sons face from last week’s doctor’s appointment.
