My baby’s mom picked me up a couple “fatherhood” books this week. I figure she could sense I needed the help. I learned from watching the movie “Knocked Up” that the last thing you want to do is NOT read these books when they’ve been provided for you. I also learned from that movie that really hot chicks sometimes hook up with goofy-looking dudes with a great personality, which pretty much explains my current situation.

Tonight I read the chapter “Riding the Pregnancy Roller Coaster” in my book and learned a few things, which can be summarized by the phrase, “pregnant women are pretty much totally nuts.” It didn’t actually say this, but it implied that if I wake up with a kitchen knife plunged into my chest, don’t be surprised.

Some other interest facts about the first trimester of pregancy:

>> Currently the umbilical cord is the size of a human hair. Gross.
>> “Morning sickness” is a misnomer because it can occur through the day – morning, noon, and night. (I think this also might apply to the woman being sick of the man.)
>> Morning sickness feels like a bad, bad hangover. (This is why I’m going to get really drunk tonight – I call it empathy drinking).
>> She needs to drink lots of fluids, particularly water, because she can become easily dehydrated. (Apparently she can’t drink beer – I double-checked.)
>> My partner needs support because her body will be going through changes that might include enlarged breasts, hemorrhoids, ciatica, super-sensitive nipples, flakey skin, and cramping. (I’m sorry, I didn’t hear anything after you said “enlarged breasts.”)
>> My partner will be clumsier and absent-minded, which could make sex interesting. (Ok, I added the sex interesting part.)
>> I shouldn’t make comments about her weight gain. (Duh – this isn’t well received by non-pregnant ladies either.)

You’ll notice in my blog that I’m not mentioning the name of the mother. Mostly this is to protect her. I really want to have an openness in this blog that will allow me to express ideas which, frankly, may not always be sensitive. While I work through these feelings, concerns, and fears, I figure I’ll save her the embarrassment of having others say to her, “You had sex with THAT GUY? I’m so sorry.” Hopefully by the end of this process I’ll be better prepared and ready to be good at the day to day dad stuff.

On another note, this week I’m shopping for a car seat.